Sustainable Weight-Loss – Be the Change Coaching

What’s on the guilt-free menu tonight!?

Posted on August 17, 2018 by Leigh-Anne | Be The Change Coaching

This is a re-post from the website Alex Campbell Transformation where I wrote this post as part of the series on my personal transformation.

I have been following a flexible dieting approach to my diet for about 18 months and it’s never going to change! After years and years of battling with food, self-esteem issues because of my weight and constantly losing and regaining weight, I have found my magic bullet. And it is anything but that in reality…it’s really about the consistency with which I have applied it.

I have checked into My Fitness Pal every day for 585 days in a row and probably tracked for 580 of those days. Yup, there has been the occasional day when I haven’t recorded the minutia of my daily intake and I am totally relaxed about that. Unlike people may think I am not obsessed with my food tracking, it is simply something that I do to keep me from overeating and slipping back into my old habits when it comes to my diet.

This DOES NOT mean that I have been on a diet for 585 days. After losing about 30 kgs over the course of about a year I decided to carry on tracking my food in order to keep myself accountable when it comes to how much I eat. The reason being that even at a much lower bodyweight I really do still want to eat…A LOT! I feel like I am always hungry and in order to not go back to my starting weight of 101kgs, I use calorie counting as a way of being accountable to myself and yet giving myself some semblance of freedom in which to nourish my body.

At the moment I am wanting to lose a few kilograms and because of that I am going to be focusing on a deficit intake of 1,600 calories/day, probably with one or two days at 2,000 calories. I have an event in November that I want to look kick ass for, but since January I have eaten more at my maintenance calories than I have at a deficit. So just because I am tracking my calories and macros doesn’t mean that I am dieting. I LOVE food and we eat lots of it. And the the upside of calorie counting is that the eating I do is GUILT-FREE eating. Something which I NEVER imagined could ever be possible, especially in this lifetime.

I adhere to the idea that 80% of the food that I eat is nutrient-dense; whole food with lots of salads, vegetables, fruit, healthy fats and lean meats. I have made really good friends with the trusty potato (who I feel has been given a very bad wrap over the years) and love all sorts of food which I would previously have seen as bad and not to be put into my body. I eat homemade pizza on a regular basis because all the ingredients are weighed and measured and I can control the calories by knowing what’s going onto my plate and into my mouth!

Because the majority of the food that I eat is whole food, cooked in my very own kitchen, there is space for some of the other stuff so many people consider to be bad and unhealthy. How can the bliss that a couple of squares of dark chocolate or a few fruit pastilles be considered bad for me!? I mean if I count it as part of my daily intake and don’t overdo it, whats the harm!? Of course I am not eating 2,000 calories worth of high-calorie, low-nutrient food, but I am giving myself the space to enjoy it here and there rather than NEVER being allowed to consider the dessert menu.

Spending years on deprivation diets and not being allowed to eat so may things was much worse for me. This “absolutely-not-allowed-under-any-circumstances” approach to food and certain food groups led to a really nasty food addiction and a tendency to regain all the weight that I had lost the minute I was off the latest diet that I had been on. Not one professional I worked with ever got me to look at my relationship with myself and the way that I used food, and I was too deep in the denial to believe that food was in any way masking my unease with who I was. It really wasn’t about how healthy or unhealthy the food choice was, but rather the emotions and reasons behind the eating that were toxic for my body and my mind.

Working with a coach who really got me to understand what food is all about was revolutionary to me. Food is not evil! Carbs are not the devil! Chocolate is not bad for me! Burgers don’t need to be on the banned list! What I did need to learn was that it’s a complex interplay between myself and the world around me. It’s not about eating the chocolate brownie as much as it’s about why I am eating the chocolate brownie. I have learned to nourish my body through the food that we buy, cook and eat. I no longer punish myself by depriving myself of bad food and pushing unwanted, but oh-so-healthy food down my throat. Who in their right mind actually enjoys rubbery egg-white omelettes and endless lunched of steamed chicken and broccoli!?

I don’t cry about the boring food I am forced to eat when I am dieting anymore! I do give a lot of thought to what to eat and how to best prepare our food in a way that doesn’t turn it into a calorie bomb. I guess some people may consider calorie counting for so many days a little excessive, but for the first time since I was 13 I am able to enjoy food and not live in fear of the supermarket, kitchen and dinner table. More than that I am able to eat out and not feel the need to choose the healthy option off the menu, because I understand that going slightly over on my calories on the odd occasion really isn’t the end of the world. I guess I have cultivated a growth mindset of abundance when it comes to food. Rather than depriving myself at every turn to stay at my “ideal” weight I have come to understand that one big, un-tracked meal in a restaurant or a friend’s dinner party is not going to be the nutritional undoing of me.

So I approach food with a far more joyful attitude these days. I don’t dread eating out or going away for a few days, because I know that tomorrow is another day and that means I can tighten my eating plan and calories up a little if needed and not let things get out of hand. That was my problem over so many years – the idea that I was either “on or off my diet”. Being on a diet meant feeling deprived, miserable and pissed off. While the opposite was to eat whatever I felt like whenever I felt like it, and still feeling miserable and pissed off with myself because of my lack of self-control and -discipline. Now I am far more responsible towards myself and approach food and meals from a present and grounded place. I’d say I am responsive towards food rather than reactive.

I am not angry about what I should or shouldn’t eat. If I really want to eat that delicious piece of cheesecake at the end of the meal (or instead of the meal), it’s my choice and I don’t feel like my choices are being forced onto me. If I have a day when I eat too much then I simply balance it out with a day of lower caloric intake. I never spend time and effort chastising myself for something that I ate, especially since I probably really enjoyed it. What’s the point!? I know how to eat now and I know how to do it in a way that is sustainable and works for me. Like I said the magic bullet…of consistency!

I’m not saying my way is the right way or the only way. What I do know was that understanding what food is about has help me immensely in losing weight and keeping it off. The minute I tell myself no, I seem to rebel against myself and go to the extreme. So by giving myself choice and variety when it comes to food I am so much happier. I have learned to respond so much better than ever before. And it’s not just about food, but a lot of other areas where I used to be so much more reactive and self-defeating. It’s a much healthier place for me to be than the place where I am constantly telling myself don’t, can’t, mustn’t, shouldn’t!

This place is more about me checking in with myself and finding out if it’s what I really want and need. It’s about knowing and trusting that I have the skills and the tools to take care of myself. It’s about being comfortable with colouring outside the lines when it comes to my eating and knowing that I won’t bounce back into my size 42 jeans in a weekend if I stay conscious and aware .

images I am writing this from a B&B in Calrens where I am spending a couple of days and I have enjoyed the delicious food that the little town in the Free State has to offer without worrying about whether or not I should be eating this or that. It’s so freeing after years of feeling bad about eating the dessert or having a second cappuccino for the day. I feel like I am getting to fully experience life without the crazy ideas I carried around about myself and food. I am happier, healthier, stronger and more balanced than ever and that’s because of how I feel about myself and how I treat my body with kindness, love and allow myself to have a little fun when it comes to the food I eat. So tonight I am going to enjoy my dinner and when I get back to Johannesburg tomorrow I’ll decide what needs to be done moving forward to the weekend. I’m thinking before I start my deficit there’s going to be at least one pizza meal and maybe a piece of cheesecake at my favourite little bistro in Norwood.

Nutrition & Lifestyle Coaching

The Cost of Having a Banging Body!?

Posted on April 20, 2018April 20, 2018 by Leigh-Anne | Be The Change Coaching

When I started my journey proper in December 2016, I was weighing in at 101kgs and was miserable, lacked anything resembling self-confidence and couldn’t (or wouldn’t) find any time in my life to take care of me! And so it was with that mindset and value system I started the process of getting healthy, lean, strong and moving towards my imagined idea of what I wanted to look like at the end of the journey! Lean limbs, flat stomach, visible abs, skinny ass…yup, that’s what I saw when I closed my eyes and thought about my body in the not-too-distant-future.

Alex, my coach, was indulgent and would gently try and explain to me that there was a price to be paid for this body that I saw myself in, and given my genetic blueprint, there might be some things that were just not 100% realistic. First of all, I do not have skinny-ass genes or the long, lean muscles necessary to give me the look that I thought I was going to get through sheer determination, healthy eating and a solid workout routine. I’d balk at the pictures he showed me that were completely different than what I had in mind and I’d shy away from the look he had in mind. The truth is that as the professional he has a much better, informed idea of what is impossible, but I just wasn’t ready or able to hear what he was saying. What did he know anyway, right!?

When I got to the six-month mark I was seeing considerable changes in my body and I was happy with them! Did they mark the half-way mark to my final banging-body destination!? My legs looked different, but not in the long, lean muscle way I had imagined. However, I was slowly growing more partial to the strong-girl look. I wasn’t ballooning into a female version of Johnny Bravo. The fat was disappearing and there was some muscle definition. I had to start rethinking my wardrobe too. It was full of clothes that were way too big for me, but I wasn’t ready to invest in a new clothing line as I wasn’t yet where I wanted to be. By June I had lost about 15kgs and was feeling pretty good about myself, but what was with the stomach!? It certainly wasn’t even close to resembling a wash board!! And so much for the disappearing butt! In fact it felt like instead of it getting smaller, it was simply getting harder!!

The months rolled by and the scale weight changed considerably over the next six months. I was now wearing a size 12 rather than a 16/18, I had invested in a little new clothing and was happy with the idea of wearing a bikini (in public!) for the first time in about ten years. And instead of freaking out about the upcoming trip to the coast, we decided that I would go onto a maintenance phase, increase my calories and have a nice break from the rigors of a calorie-deficit.

So I went away and I ate at maintenance for a month. And the amazing thing was that for the first time EVER I did not start putting on weight, and was becoming more and more comfortable in my new shape. When January arrived, as one does, I decided I was going to push forward on my weight-loss and body transformation and get to that illusive end point! What I was starting to already realise (something that Alex had know all along) was there is NO SUCH THING as an end to the “how I want my body to look” process. Because as my body has changed, so have my ideas of how I want it to look. Gone are my illusions of long, slim legs and a washboard stomach. To be blunt – screw that idea!

Because to be honest…it’s just too much hard work! I am talking about being healthy here and not obsessive. I don’t subscribe to be whatever size you want if it is not in line with the standard health markers. I certainly have never wanted to drop dead from something I could have had some control over. Over the last year my cholesterol has dropped from 6.9 to 4.2 and that was such an enormous achievement for me. Another indication of health and wellness that is not reflected on the scale. Knowing that my organs are not buried under a layer of suffocating fat and that my blood runs freely through my system are quietly reassuring thoughts. For the first time since joining my medical aid I was not terrified at the prospect of competing my annual health check, with the nurse kindly advising that it would be a good idea to think about losing some weight. I felt confident and happy about my health and went home proudly waving my scores.

So back to the idea of hard work! Look, I am not scared of a little hard work and along with patience and consistency that’s what it’s taken to lose all the weight, change the way my body looks and not rush to the nearest fridge and start eating my way back to 101kgs! It’d probably be 110 kilos this time. I spent the beginning of the year on maintenance for a number of reasons and here they are:

It was an incredibly stressful time at work – I work in a substance abuse (addiction) treatment and recovery clinic.
I wanted to eat more to fuel my work outs and build some muscle (so much for the lean, skinny look).
Dieting is just fucking hard and having discovered I could eat more and maintain my weight was an extremely exciting discovery that I was enjoying.
I hate being hungry…it makes me impossible and cranky, and I love food!

At the beginning of April I decided to go back onto a deficit and trim down some of the excess body weight and fat that I am still carrying. And it’s been these last few weeks on top of the previous 15 months that made me finally realise the high costs of having a really really great body! The type of body that those genetically blessed, perfect butt and stomach, Instagram models have, does not come cheap! I am guessing that there might be some sort of under-the-counter supplements, incredible genes, lots of strength training, periods of bulking and cutting in preparation for that perfect photo that I am just not motivated enough to do.

I am not having a go at them and I am NOT fit shaming, I have just come to understand that I would rather eat the chocolate brownie once a week and miss the occasional workout than obsess on whether I have a flat, taut stomach and a butt that doesn’t wobble. This deficit period is feeling really challenging for me, because although I have not got to the point that I had envisioned all those months ago, I do feel really sexy in my skinny jeans. I am going to keep going, but I know now that my ideal body is just way out of my motivation and commitment budget, and I am okay with that. SO I have rethought about what my ideal body is. And it goes something like this:

I have heavy set legs with lots of muscle that are never going to be slim and long.
A butt that gets the occasional admiring look from people that admire the more rounded look.
My curves are sexy and the outer manifestation of the authentic, courageous woman that I strive to b
I actually have a bit of an hourglass figure and I am learning to embrace my look.
I have the genes and the muscles that I have, as well as the metabolism, and I need to work with that as much as possible rather than fighting it.

I am committed to dropping a little of the excess, but I have learned to love and respect food in a way that I approach my meals with joy, and I very rarely experience fear, guilt or shame at what passes my lips. Part of my ongoing work around my transformation is largely about self-love, compassion and learning to nurture and nourish myself. Sure I would be happy if my body looked like an IG Fitness Model’s, but then again I don’t really think that I want to pay the high price of having such banging body. I kinda like my new body, even though it’s not perfect it is the product of hard work, commitment, dedication and consistency over the past 15 months.

I guess I am more of a Golf girl than a BMW one anyway. I just know what I can and can’t have for what I prepared to “pay”. And just in case you were wondering, I actually think that for 45 my body is pretty fucking banging.

New Leigh - Before and After.png

Nutrition & Lifestyle Coaching

365 Days of Becoming the New(er) Me…

Posted on January 29, 2018January 29, 2018 by Leigh-Anne | Be The Change Coaching

Change is never easy…not when it comes down to it. We can talk about change, envision change, even set out to change, but then we have to do the work! I have been challenged by my weight for most of my life and I have always been doing something about it. The thing is I never got to where I was going and then managed to stay there. Starting to make changes is very different to actually changing…

bethechange Because no matter how fantastic and well thought out our goals are, that’s not where the work lies. It’s in the actual doing where the success and accomplishment lies. Of course that makes perfect sense, but I’d often miss that. I love to goal set – always have! What I have come to understand over the past year was that when it came to my health & fitness, I wasn’t much of a goal-getter. I’d always start my diets and fitness endeavours with all the motivation in the world, but never seemed to be able to follow through. I’d give up when faced with the smallest of setbacks, plateaus, scale gains or any real discomfort. I’d make all sorts of excuses as I gave up as well…too hard, too busy, too restrictive, boring, unsustainable, and on and on the list would go.

What I have learned over the last year is that change takes time. There is no quick fix around developing new values around health, fitness, well-being and lifestyle. And what strikes me the most is that in most other areas in my life I have always accepted and understood this. Being in long-term recovery from substance abuse, I know that we don’t simply wish change and there it is… It’s about consistency, practice, trial-and-error, winning and learning. And yet there was always a huge, mental block for me when it came to my body.

And the obstacle in my way was not about the diet plan or the workout routine, the obstacle was me. The idea that I achieved my goals meant that I had to sustain them. That means internalising the learning, and making health and fitness a priority in my life. It means not being able to moan about this or that stupid-ass diet that didn’t work, it means ongoing work and commitment to sustaining the success. Phew, and that is where the real work has been. It’s great to be complimented on my achievement, but now it’s about following through. If I want to continue to be successful in this part of my life I have to work to stay here. I have to embrace the new habits, skills and behaviours and really ground them in my life.

No more excuses, justifications and blame. No more self-pity parties and illusions of being the victim. It’s easy to fail at the things we set out to do. I fail, it’s over. For me failure is effortless! But to become good at something takes immense amounts of energy, dedication and consistency. So what the last year has shown me is that if I want to succeed in this area of my life, it’s really just about doing the work. Not sexy, not earth shattering, not miraculous.

I always imagined that losing weight and getting into shape had some sort of magic formula that only a few were given. They were part of some secret club that shared it with those exclusive members who were let into the inner sanctum of weight loss! And of course they had it easy, because my case was special. I wasn’t like everyone else trying to get leaner, stronger and healthier. My challenges with my weight were unique and no one could possibly understand or relate to my situation. What I realise now is that there are no weight-loss, secret societies. Yes, there are some people who are genetically blessed with better metabolisms and/or body composition, but they still have to work if they want to stay fit, health and in shape. You don’t get to sit on the couch eating whatever you like, never exercising, just because your metabolism works a bit better.

I’m not one of those people. I have abused my body over the years with the constant yo-yo dieting, insane diet regimens, all-or-nothing approaches and now it’s time to be gentle. I have learned that I need to work with, nit against, my body. I need to take time to love and nurture myself through the food that I eat and the exercise that I do. After 30 something years of all of this craziness, I now know what I need to do. And the last year is not very much when I look at it in the context of life.

So I follow the plan that is taking me closer to my goal, learning to embrace the process of change and growth. I am learning to listen to the voice that takes care of me, rather than the critic that is quick to reprimand and chastise. I see food as fuel and I love a good treat (not cheat) when my plan allows for it. I don’t go to the gym to punish myself, but to build myself up. I now understand that this is a process and a lifestyle that I choose – not one that has been forced upon by the outside world. I have learned to embrace my new, still growing, values of health, well-being, fitness and strength, and that 12 months really isn’t that long given where I was. It didn’t take me a year to get out of shape and I now accept that it’s going to take more than these first 365 days to get to where I see myself. And that is ever-changing too.

Nutrition & Lifestyle Coaching

#whatadifferenceayearmakes

Posted on January 12, 2018January 12, 2018 by Leigh-Anne | Be The Change Coaching

On Sunday, 8th January 2017 my life changed forever! That was the first time I met Alex in the gym… You may have an idea of where this leads, but let me put you on the right track. I was completely out of my personal comfort zone, feeling fat and unhappy in my gym leggings and overstretched vest, and extremely self-conscious standing in front of the full-length mirrors in the weights’ section of the local gym. I was horrified at my reflection and did not know where to stand or what to do with my hands, or my personal discomfort.

I was trying to divert my eyes from the mirror every time I was asked to face myself and “squat”! It was not a happy day and every time I did what vaguely resembled a squat-like movement, I tried desperately not to notice the way my scrunched-up stomach looked in the reflection. I didn’t have a clue and all I wanted was for that session to end so that I could run and hide in the change rooms.

I was not going to go ever again! I’d find a way to cancel and I was sure that there were plenty of dead-relatives I could use as not being able to make the next session. During those 45 minutes, I had convinced myself that gym was not meant for overweight beginners and that I should simply stay firmly put in my unhappy, fixed-mindset, change-is-the-devil head space. Anyway, that would be far easier than going back to the gym – EVER AGAIN! But Alex gently coaxed me through that endless session, and was kind and understanding of my awkwardness. Pretty sure I am not the first person to experience these feelings, and he was aware and conscious. In fact after a few sets of the dreaded squats, we moved onto something else a little more ego-friendly.

The reason I share this is because I have to believe that I am not the only person who stepped into a gym for the first time after many years of vowing and affirming that this was the January I was going to lose some weight and get into shape! I am definitely not the only client who has felt geeky and uncomfortable in front of their ripped, muscly coach. And I am most certainly not alone when I express that the experience was hardly one that I wanted to repeated…never mind in a couple of days.

But go back I did…again…and again…and again! And the most amazing thing started to happen. Firstly, I learned that Alex was anything but judgmental, and that his passion and purpose lies in supporting and encouraging his clients as they grow stronger and leaner. I learned that he believes in being process- rather than outcomes-driven, and that much of the fulfillment he experiences in his work comes from seeing the changes that his clients achieve over the weeks and months. I guess that would make sense in the way that an artist doesn’t start with a beautiful landscape or a mind-blowing masterpiece, but rather takes their time to create something from the tools and materials that they have around them.

0 (1) I have moved from being self-conscious to feeling a little more comfortable in my body as we’ve worked together. And the results although amazing, haven’t been overnight! The first months saw lots of big changes…kilograms and centimetres seemed to melt away under the fluorescent lamps, but of course these slowed down. And I kept going to the gym, following my eating plan and altering my mindset and perspective about health and nutrition. There would be days when I wanted to lie on the floor of the gym and cry because my body didn’t want to comply, or my knees (which have been bad since my showjumping days in high school) wanted to give in. And I kept going back!

And the most remarkable things have happened! I didn’t turn into a freakish looking version of myself with great, bulging muscles and manly features. What did happen was that my body has gotten stronger, leaner and healthier. And I am able to look into that very same mirror that so terrified me on Day 1 and really look the reflection that is there looking back at me. It’s got some nicely toned, visible muscles and is still quite shapely, but in a much more sexy, feminine way then I imagined it would look. So when I stood there last week on Monday, 8th January 2018, I was so proud and excited about how far I have come.

Thankfully I didn’t give up on that very first day because of the inner critic in me who wanted me to run off and hide because I wasn’t good enough, slim enough or strong enough. Instead I have stuck it out three to four times a week (well most weeks) and have learned to love, nurture and care for my body in a way I haven’t ever done. I’ve learned that exercise is NOT about punishing myself because I had a chocolate brownie, but that it’s about honouring the physical, emotional, spiritual and mental parts of self. Of course there are days when the thought of getting into my gym pants is the last hings I want to do…and I ‘d rather lie around in my underwear and eat ice cream, but the truth is I have fallen in love with the new me over the last year.

The me that is self-loving and wants to do the best for me that I can do. The new me who has persevered through the initial stages of getting my health back. The new me who values fitness and exercise. The new me who doesn’t make excuses all the time about not having time, but rather makes and finds the time because I am worth it! And it’s not that I am suddenly an arrogant, slimmer version of my past, overweight self, it’s more that I just really love the fact that I love me! And that I got over myself and went back for that second and third and forth session with Alex, and all the sessions since then.

He wasn’t with me in the gym this year on my “gym-aversary” but I know he delights in the progress and changes I have made, the growth I have shown, and the values I have developed around myself, my health and my fitness. Alex is still very much part of my process, and I rely on his knowledge,experience and accountability to see me through the next year of my ongoing transformation, because I have learned that this is not about reaching a final goal, but rather living a life where I am constantly striving for improvement and achievement. All I can say is #whatadifferenceayearmakes.